A bomb warning at the station:
in the train I think of ominous
ticking under my seat, imagine
a small round black warmth pulsing.
In my last split second
I’d wonder at how
when the sun shines
the world seems to unfold.
It will freeze tonight,
as the cold fragments
which once were me
will be sniffed at by
lonely patched dogs
Maybe I’d reincarnate
a tall elegant tower with three white wings.
And then another girl with morbid fantasies
would see me through the wagon window,
and smile, because not everything is rotten,
while her life slowly ticked away.
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©2004-2009 ~Sarcastig
Author's Comments
When submitting my last thing, I remembered something I wrote on the train not too long ago. Here it is, after rather severe edits.
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April 7, 2004
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Comments
I'm in love with the last two stanzas. This is definately something I'm going to want to read over and over again. You've done well!! Thanks for sharing.
--
shaunda
--
Hedwig
--As cool as a fruitstand in New York and maybe as strange--
--
"I've taken enough walks alone
to know how real nothing is."
~dystopian-dream-girl
Do you know what? I'd leave out the first line, make it a little less obvious. It is implied in the rest of the poem anyway, so I think I'd leave it to the reader to work out.
Maybe the flow could be more constant, the longer sentences in the final stanza disturb it a little IMO.
But yeah, nice one.
--
Comment, to get comments.
Share your kindness, not your hate.
Love the art, before yourself
--
Hedwig
--As cool as a fruitstand in New York and maybe as strange--
--
Hedwig
--As cool as a fruitstand in New York and maybe as strange--
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